To the Voters of American Idol
Dear pimply teenage girl, please stop voting for Scott and Anthony. Each week that I see them survive the vote, the voices in my head urging me to kill get louder and louder and I don’t know that I can refuse to obey them for much longer. So please, start voting for the people who can (a) sing a note and (b) have some, any, personality. In case you need help identifying those people, they are Vonsall, Carrie, Bo and Constantine.
In other reality-related news, CNN is reporting that Trump is rumoured to have paid $1M to the cruise ship that was recently struck by the 7ft wave to have it return to NY early so it could appear on The Apprentice. Without this financial incentive the ship would probably not have ended the cruise early, or sailed through a raging storm. If true, I think the vacationers should sue his ass and tell the Trumpster: you’re fired.