Random thoughts of a Brit living in the Imperial Valley of California

American Football – A Retort

with 3 comments

I knew that my joke letter about American football would likely get a response but I hadn’t expected it to take the form of a full-blown editorial by the newspaper’s sports staff. The article is funny in its outright stupidity (billions, billions I tell ya, watch American football don’t ya know) and sad in the display of the American stereotype of everyone else being stupid for not being us.

The article is too long to put on this page so you’ll have to read it after the jump.

5 FEET OF CONCRETE: Staying awake for football

By ERIC GALVAN, Staff Writer

Friday, January 5, 2007 11:13 AM PST
I hate singling out any one person or group of people for things they say because sometimes, people just don’t know any better.

Recently an individual wrote into our PROBE section and mentioned how he liked the type of football where players wear helmets and pads and there are no riots.

Another individual responded with a letter in our Voice of the People section saying: “… that the reason no riots occur in American football is that the crowd is fast asleep long before the game is finished.”

I’m not going to name names, I’m just going to say the writer of that comment has a name that rhymes with Paul Sanders and he lives in a local city that sounds something like Brawley.

To read a statement such as that is to fill my eyes with acid rain.

What the hell is this person talking about?

Football is not only the most exciting sport in the country, but it’s the most popular sport in the world. Just because a bunch of people in Third World countries play soccer doesn’t mean they like it. They just have no other choice.

Kenya is awesome at running and winning marathons, but do you think Kenyans run because they like it? No. They run because they don’t want to walk away from a charging pack of lions.

I’ve watched a lot of football in my day and I have never fallen asleep while watching or have seen anyone fall asleep.

The statement is ridiculous. To suggest people fall asleep while watching football games is to suggest there is no action worth watching.

There is a reason stadiums that hold 70,000 screaming fans sell out on a regular basis. There’s a reason people will go to any lengths to watch football on Saturdays and Sundays.

Narcoleptics can stay awake during an entire football game. Hibernating woodland creatures, if at all possible, could break their winter slumber for a three-hour period to mix in some football.

Obviously the individual who wrote the response knows little about the game and/or dislikes it enough to try to insult it.

But making a statement as bold as he did just shows the utter naiveté and idiocy of some people.

Not only is he claiming real football fans are asleep during games, but he’s also, without saying it, admitting that riots occur before, during and after fútbol “friendlies.”

It’s quite the statement to make, no matter how wrong and nonsensical it may be.

Surely the writer of the statement had someone else to pick on other than a phenomenon that has captivated audiences for decades upon decades.

Even casual Joe football fan will take time to stop while flipping through channels to find out the score and watch a few plays, all while remaining awake.

Children of all ages stay up at night just to either go watch high school football games Friday nights or watch whatever Sunday or Monday night contests are on the airwaves. The children also remain awake.

Maybe this is just a sad commentary on our writer friend. Maybe our writer friend is unfortunately afflicted with a sleep disorder that has yet to allow him the privilege of watching a football game from start to finish.

It saddens me that one of the holders of one of the greatest of joys in this world has so callously come under attack with such fighting words.

We can only hope that the statements are not true.

I tend to believe they are not, as I’m sure billions of people around the planet would agree that the real football does not put them to sleep. Oh no, it does not.

It just saddens me to think that there may be one lost soul out there who is put to sleep by football. For if this is true, I can only offer my pity for this man whose name sounds like Paul Sanders.

(c)2007 Imperial Valley Press, reproduced without permission.

Written by admin

January 7th, 2007 at 10:18 am

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